Anxiety

So I’m writing this at school during my off-hour so I do not have my trusty grammarly to help fix all of my mistakes. I’ll probably run this post through it when I get home but as of right now I really wanted to get a post up. Also, I do have another post already scheduled for today so that means you guys are getting 2 posts today.

Anxiety, most people have it one form or another, and I’m going, to be honest mine isn’t that bad. My AP lang teacher wants us to all have “meetings” with her to discuss our writing. This is supposed to help us on the AP exam. Well, I was dumb and scheduled mine for the second day she had time slots for this meeting, so I ended up having no time to prepare myself for it. I just got back from it and wanted to share what I learned from it about myself, not my exam writing.

I started to freak myself out about this as I was walking to her classroom. I thought she would yell at me. Tell me I was stupid for ever thinking I could take an AP course. I thought all of this even though she never once gave me a reason to. She is honestly one of the sweetest teachers I have known. She just wants the best for all of her students. Regardless, of all that, I still thought I wasn’t good enough for her expectations.

I went in there and she had everything set up like a proper adult would. I sat down and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. She kept checking to see if I had any questions or any concerns. I told her what I thought about my work. However, I didn’t tell her that in past classes, regular level classes I was going above and beyond, now I come into this class and I’m basically average. It shook my confidence. A lot of my mental stability relies on my grades. I know that sounds extremely stupid, but it’s true.  If I get a bad grade on something I cry. I guess it’s because I know that if I just pushed myself a little harder I would have been able to achieve so much more.

We even talked about the books I had picked out for my critical research paper. I know I’ve talked about this before but I’ve never really officially explained what it is. This is our end of the year paper basically, it has to be 10 pages long. Everything we do for it is independent. Throughout this paper, we have to compare and contrast two different texts. I have chosen Enduring Love by Ian McEwan and The Blind Assassin by Margret Atwood.  We have to read these books on our time and our own reading schedule by March 1st. Along with that, we have to keep up with the daily reading assignments and our class book. (The book the whole class is reading together.)

Anyway, I got off topic all I wanted to let you guys know is that if you have anxiety. It gets better. You just can’t let it control your life. If I had let anxiety control my life I probably wouldn’t be writing on this blog because I would be so afraid of people judging me. I overcame that fear and realized my love of writing was far more important than what some random person thinks of me.

Sorry for the unoriginal photo, I’ll change it when I get home, for now, I’ll use this one from WordPress.

See you tomorrow/later today,

Haili

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